Arsurd humor from wonkette

[DownDownDown]

I keep on reposting these funny pieces that I read because I'm following wonkette on twitter.

The title alone of this article is just hilarious:

George Bush Won’t Let Obama Into White House Early, Because WTF?

Here is how it begins:

The tacky “new money” Obama family has insulted America by requesting early occupancy of the White House’s guest quarters, Blair House, so that his two children could start school on time (Jan. 5) at their fancy private gig. The White House has turned down the request because who are these fucking people?

It actually explains that the Obama family couldn't be housed due to "prior commitments".  It was unclear from the White House press release who outranks the future President of the United States.

Anyways, here is the link to the fully article:
http://wonkette.com/404949/george-bush-wont-let-obama-into-white-house-early-because-wtf

Anyways, I'll just post the good ones to this thread instead of creating new threads for each and every absurdity.

Hope everyone enjoys.

[DownDownDown]

Here's another one.

It seems that the McCain-Palin campaign has a going-out-of-business sale and they were selling some blackberry devices with telephone numbers and emails that weren't wiped before being placed for sale.

The title of the article:

McCain-Palin Fire Sale Features $20 Blackberry Phones Full of VIP Emails & Numbers

Here is the gotcha opening:

This fantastic McCain Campaign fire sale doesn’t just provide gadgets and office supplies on the cheap — you can also buy enough Republican VIP personal information and incriminating emails to run your own failed presidential run!

And here's how it ends:

McCain-Palin: Morons to the end.

Here is the link to the article:
http://wonkette.com/404942/mccain-palin-fire-sale-features-20-blackberry-phones-full-of-vip-emails-numbers

[DownDownDown]

There is a video from crooks and liars that had a followup about the snub of the Obamas by the Bush White House in the Obama's request to stay at the Blair House:

Keith Olbermann talks to Margaret Carlson about the snub of President-elect Obama by the Bush administration with their request to stay at Blair House when their children started school. According to Carlson, they asked former Australian Prime Minister John Howard to stay there after the fact to justify it being occupied, and they cost the taxpayers a great deal of money by making the Obamas stay at another location due to the additional security needed.

This is how wonkette reported it:

It was only after Bush told the Obamas that the White House guest house was booked that George and Laura asked the Prime Minister of Australia, Hugh Jackman, to stay there for literally no reason other than to make sure that if Obama drove by he would see there was a car in the driveway.

Here is the wonkette link:
http://wonkette.com/405306/obama-and-a-puppy-will-save-the-porn-industry-forever

Here is the crooks and liars link:
http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/heather/countdown-blair-house-was-not-booked

[DownDownDown]

I got a pointer to an article about a Navy recruiting presentation about how difficult it is to reach today's teenagers and get them to consider the military services.  The title?  "OMG! Navy Calls MySpace Kids "Alien Life Force" (And They Hate the War, Too)".

Here is the opening to the article:

The MySpace generation is a "somewhat alien life force," a Navy recruiting presentation contends -- with a language and lifestyle that's almost unrecognizable to adults.  And because the kids are such "coddled," "narcissistic praise junkies," they'll be beyond tough to bring into the military.

The link to the article is here:
http://blog.wired.com/defense/2007/09/omg-navy-calls-.html

The way that Wonkette put it was even better.  Their title: "Navy: WTF @ Teenagers"

Their opening:

Kids today: what’s the matter with them? According to the Navy, they are actually aliens. Danger Room found a Navy recruiting powerpoint presentation and apparently these nutty “millennials” have crazy ideas about not joining the Navy. Why? Because they are “coddled” and “narcissistic praise junkies,” of course! Oh, and because of Iraq. Also did you know they have complicated text messaging codes? And if you want to convince them to sign their life away to Uncle Sam, you’ll need to crack that code.

Here is the pointer to the Wonkette briefing:
http://wonkette.com/305089/navy-wtf-teenagers

[DownDownDown]

Here's another one from last night.  I'll open with the wonkette item:

MONEYLAND: “The new top three [richest U.S. counties] are now Loudon County, Virginia; Fairfax County, Virginia; and Howard County, Maryland. All three are suburbs or exurbs of Washington, D.C. In 2000, 14 of the 100 richest counties were in the Washington, D.C., area. In 2007, it was nine of the richest 20.”

and here's the title above it:

FUCK YOU WE'RE RICH

So, here's the pointer to the article:
http://wonkette.com/405451/405451

[DownDownDown]

Here's another title that I liked:

SCANDAL!
Everyone On Twitter Is Gay

Yes, this is over-the-top.  Here is the article, just beneath a message from FoxNews on Twitter: "Bill O Reily is gay."

We have received a full 956 tips today about various clowns’ Twitter pages being hacked, including those of Barack Obama and Rick Sanchez, the King of Twitter. Someone thinks this official message from the Fox News about Bill “O Riley” indicates hacking, but what’s the excuse for “Turkey Taco Lettuce Wraps?” The more important question here is why anyone on this planet uses Twitter at all. (Except for Wonkette’s Twitter, which is just great.)

Here is the pointer to the article:
http://wonkette.com/405250/everyone-on-twitter-is-gay

I only saw this from the Karl Rove article entitled: "Lovable Karl Rover Your New Pretend Twitter Friend"

History may not change the perception of George W. Bush Junior as America’s crappiest president, but many thousands of excitable dorks are very excited about the New Reputation of lovable gargoyle Karl Rove, America’s latest favorite Twit.

To become a famous Twit, you must sign up for a free, very unreliable Web service available to anyone, and then you type bits of banal nonsense. If your name is kind of well known, congratulations on being a Twit! Karl’s collecting good-bye messages for Bush Junior, by the way.

Here is a pointer to that article:
http://wonkette.com/405501/lovable-karl-rove-your-new-pretend-twitter-friend

Of course, this must make me a TWIT, too.  (I only see this by following wonkette  on twitter).

[DownDownDown]

Wonkette has been ripping into Tom Daschle's situation.  Here is the note about the White House response to Daschle's departure:

Here’s our main man, “Bob” Gibbs, responding to the lady’s question about Tom Daschle’s *sudden* withdrawal. Gibbs is hilariously evil, usually — you can tell sometimes that he wants to find a nosy reporter’s children, throw them over a cliff, and then chuck firecrackers at their bodies — but he just doesn’t seem to enjoy this job very much. Who can blame him! “Are there other nominees with tax problems?” these people ask! Jesus. Besides, the problem ultimately wasn’t that Daschle had forgotten to pay $128,000 in taxes; it was more that his life was so vulgar that he had to pay $128,000 in taxes for a private driver.

Here is the  link to the note with a You-Tube video:
http://wonkette.com/tag/tom-daschle

I also liked the note entitled: Cable Companies Pay YOU To Watch Porn

Finally, a stimulus bill we can believe in: Cable-teevee company Comcast will pay TEN DOLLARS to each Tucson subscriber who maybe saw a few seconds of sexytime hardcore XXX pr0nography just when something important was happening in the Super Bowl game. If you saw some terrible naked man-lady fuckin’ when you expected to see good old-fashioned obese helmeted men slapping each others’ asses before actually killing each other, for America, Comcast says “sorry” and $10 will soon be in the mail, maybe.

The super-title for the article is: AMERICAN ECONOMY FIXED

Here is the link:
http://wonkette.com/405992/cable-companies-pay-you-to-watch-porn